PSALM 126:
The Enjoyment of Being Freed from Our Self-life

Our Initial Enjoyment of Entering into the Church Life

Psalm 126 begins, "When Jehovah turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like those who dream. At that time our mouth was filled with laughter and our tongue with a ringing shout. At that time they said among the nations, Jehovah has done great things for them. Jehovah has done great things for us; we are joyful" (v. 1-3). The psalmist speaks of a joy that is impossible to describe. This is our experience when we first came into the church life. "When Jehovah turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like those that dream." The turning of our captivity indicates that we were those searching and struggling, possibly for many years. Then one day our captivity was turned, and what we longed for became our reality. When this happened, all we could say was, "This is a dream come true!"

We may have realized for years that God desired a testimony and a habitation. We realized that God wanted to gain a group of people to belong to Himself alone. Yet we were in captivity, either in Christianity or in the world. But one day the Lord brought us to the local churches and we began to enjoy the church life. He "turned our captivity." Then we were like those that dream. We beheld all the dear saints. We beheld all the riches of Christ. We found that we could serve the living God in reality. We had the full realization, "Oh, thank You Lord! You have turned the captivity of Zion! You have brought us to Your testimony! We are like those that dream!"

If you have never struggled for this, then there is no "dream" in your experience. You may attend meetings and even enjoy them, but within you there is no declaration, "This is just like a dream!" Instead you may only think, "This is a good group to be with." But those who struggle, who fight, who labor, who cry out in their seeking, eventually enter into the reality of what they are fighting for. They can say, "I am in the church life! This is a dream come true!"

"At that time our mouth was filled with laughter and our tongue with a ringing shout" (v. 2a). Those who have entered into the church life after longing and seeking for it are filled with joy. There is no way they can describe it. All they can do is praise the Lord. This verse continues, "At that time they said among the nations, Jehovah has done great things for them." When we enjoy the church life, even those in the world recognize that there is something different about us. Our joy is so great that even the world notices it. Eventually we can only say, "Jehovah has done great things for us; we are joyful" (v. 3). This is the conclusion of our initial enjoyment. Praise the Lord, we are so happy that we are in the church life!

We Need a Deeper Turn from Captivity

The psalmist then says, "Turn again, O Jehovah, our captivity like the streams in the south" (v. 4). The first part of the psalm describes our initial experience of the church life. Once we are in the church life, eventually we long for a deeper turn. There are mainly two possible interpretations of the phrase, "Turn again, O Jehovah, our captivity." One interpretation is, "Lord, there are not enough people who belong to Your testimony. So many people are in captivity to the world and to Christianity. Lord, turn again! Turn many more people! Release them from their captivity! Bring them to Your testimony!"

The second interpretation of this verse is that it is talking about those who are already in the church life. It is speaking of ourselves. The psalmist says, "Turn again, O Jehovah, our captivity." In other words, we ourselves need a deeper turn. To pray according to this understanding is to tell the Lord, "Lord, I already came out of captivity positionally. I am no longer in Babylon. I am no longer in the world or in Christianity. I have come to Your testimony, and my stand is clear. I am for Christ and the church. But, Lord, look at me. There are still so many things that I have, and so many things that I enjoy, that are far from You. Lord, I am still in captivity. Positionally I am released, but experientially I am not released in full. I still have not yet been freed. I still have so many things which capture me." When we realize this, then we pray, "Lord, turn again my captivity."

It is not enough for us to come into the church life positionally. Eventually we must realize, "Lord, there are many things within me that are still under captivity. I made a positional turn already when I came to the church life. Now I would like to have a dispositional turn. O Lord, turn me again!"

This is a precious realization. Our initial enjoyment of the church life leads us to a higher and richer enjoyment, which requires a deeper turn. The more we enjoy the church life, then the more we realize that the Lord is urging us to be turned again from our captivity. He is waiting for us to pray, "Lord, turn me again! I turned once already! Now turn me again!" As far as our position is concerned, we can testify that we are in a marvelous place. Here in the church we enjoy Christ, we enjoy the Body life, we enjoy the meetings and gatherings, we enjoy the ministry of the truth, we enjoy the fellowship among all the saints, we enjoy the flow of life, and we enjoy so many riches. When we first began to enjoy the church life we were like those that dream. We had no way to describe it. Our mouth was filled with laughter and our tongue was filled with a ringing shout. We declared, "Praise the Lord, I am in the church life!" But gradually we calmed down. Eventually we realized, "Oh Lord. So many things still capture me. On one hand I am released. Positionally I have returned from my captivity. On the other hand, I am still under so much captivity dispositionally. I am still captured by so many other things." When we are still in captivity we are not free to follow or serve the Lord in full. We find ourselves limited in our ability to cooperate with Christ as the Builder of the church. When we realize this about ourselves we should pray, "Lord, turn again my captivity."

Being Released from the Captivity of Our Self-life

There are many things that capture us. For example, in the church life there are many complaints. Sometimes saints complain that the elders are not burdened enough. They complain that the young ones are too wild. Then they complain that the church life is too unbalanced. It is too focused in one direction. Some saints may complain, "The gospel is strong among us, but we are short of the enjoyment of life." Others may complain, "We have so much enjoyment of life, but we are short of preaching the gospel." With all of these complaints and opinions, there is only one "antidote." That antidote is to pray, "Turn again our captivity, O Lord." Why do we complain about the church life? Because the practice of the church life is against our self. In this psalm it is not the world that captures us, it is our self-life. When we are still under the captivity of our self-life, then our exercise in the church life will be frustrated.

We all need to be released from our captivity to our self-life. In this captivity we lose our enjoyment of the Lord and the enjoyment of the church life. Eventually we are not satisfied. If someone were to ask us, "Do you find the church life satisfying?" our answer would probably be, "Yes I do, but..." The "but" is a reflection on ourselves. It means, "Yes, the church life is satisfying, but I am still in captivity. I am captured especially by my self-life." We should not point our finger at anyone else; we should point it at ourselves. This is why such a sweet and enjoyable psalm has this thought. At first when we are brought into the Lord's testimony after striving and struggling, we are joyful. We are like those that dream. But then eventually we have a cry. "Lord, O Lord, turn again our captivity." We long to be released from ourselves.

Being Freed from our Self-life Seems Impossible, but the Lord is Able

This psalm tells us that our second turn from captivity is "like the streams in the south." The thought here is quite deep. To the south of Israel there is nothing but desert. How can the psalmist expect to find streams in a desert? This seems impossible. The thought of the psalmist here is, "Lord, for You to turn my captivity in this way seems impossible. It is like 'the streams in the south.' Only You can do such a thing." When we are young in the Lord, it is easy for us to say, "I have been terminated with Christ! I have been crucified!" But eventually after many years, we realize that for us to be truly crucified with the Lord seems impossible. It is like the streams of the south. In the desert, how can there be streams? Crying out to the Lord to deliver us from our self-life is like crying out for a stream in the desert. When we come to the matter of our self-life being terminated, when we come to the experience of being completely freed from ourselves, then we realize, "Lord, this is impossible." It's impossible, yet we trust the Lord to do it. We know that the Lord can save us. It is impossible, yet it is real. It is like "the streams in the south."

This verse is so poetic, yet so realistic. We are all in an impossible situation. We all have the same nature. Everyone of us would agree, "I am such a difficult case. It is so hard for the Lord to know how to handle me." As we follow the Lord, eventually we realize that it is not Satan, it is not the world, and it is not so many other negative things that capture us. It is we ourselves who capture us. We are all under the captivity of our self-life. That is why we become desperate. We tell the Lord, "How can You save me? How can You release me? How can You free me from my self? This is impossible!" But even as we say it is impossible we have an inward realization: "Lord, You can do this. Turn again. Turn again my captivity."

When we truly see our captivity to ourselves, we will pray desperately, "Lord, I am beyond rescue. I am so terrible and so corrupted that it seems hopeless. But Lord, I cry out to You! Turn again! You have done miracles before upon me. You have brought me out of captivity before. You brought me into the church life. That was impossible, but You did it for me. Now, Lord, do it again! Turn my captivity! This time it's so much harder. This time my captivity is not something outward, but something inward. Lord, only You can do this! Turn again my captivity, as the streams in the south!" If we cry out to the Lord this way, then He will answer us. He will respond, "Yes, I will release you, but you must pay a price."

The Price for Being Freed from Our Self-life: Sowing Ourselves unto Death

How does the Lord release us from our captivity? Psalm 126 continues, "Those who sow in tears will reap with a ringing shout" (v. 5). The Lord releases us from our captivity by asking us to pay a price. In this verse the Lord tells us, "Now that you desire to come out of your captivity, it is very simple. You just need to sow in tears." We might ask, what does this mean? What is it that we sow? The Lord would say, "Go and sow yourself." When we sow in tears it means that our self-life is over. We realize that we must sow our very selves into the ground to die. We no longer have any choice. We realize, "If I want to be delivered from my captivity to my self, then I must bury myself and die. That is my future. That is the only road ahead of me."

Everyone who has such a realization will experience tears. Why? Because we have nothing left. There is nothing for us to do but go and die. When we sow ourselves, when we bury ourselves, then we are truly sowing in tears. This is fully in the context of the church life. Sowing in tears is the only way for the "dream" that we initially enjoyed to become reality. For the church to be built up, for the Lord's testimony to be raised up, for God to gain His habitation, for there to be a group of people who bear His name, there is no other way. We must go, sow ourselves into the ground, and die. We must go and bury ourselves. When we realize this, tears come. We know that we are finished. There is no more hope for us. There is no more future for us. All we can do is sow ourselves into the ground and be buried there.

Before we come to this realization we may still make our own choices. For example, a young brother may decide for himself what college he will go to. He might think, "It depends on which department I get into, which one gives me a bigger scholarship, and which one is farther away from home." But if this brother were to ask the Lord where he should go, the Lord would say, "There is only one college for you to attend: 'death university.' Dear young brother, you must learn to sow yourself. That is your only future. Which university should you go to? You should choose the university that is the best for sowing yourself into the ground for the sake of My testimony."

We are all still filled with our own selections and choices. We need to realize, "If I want the dream I have seen to become reality then I must sow myself into the ground to die." This means that we don't have our own choice anymore. Instead, we take God's choice and submit ourselves to His hand. This is a sober matter. Only people who live this way can build up the church and uphold the Lord's testimony. It is not enough that we have turned from our original captivity to come into the church life. The Lord would say to all of us, "Turn again!" Our first turn was a positional turn. It only demanded the forsaking of outward things. Our second turn is a dispositional turn. It demands that we forsake ourselves. Whether we are in school, working a job, or serving the Lord full-time, we must have one goal: to be sown into the ground to die. Everything else doesn't matter. We need to have a turn. Wherever we are and whatever we are doing, we need to say, "Lord, I am here to sow myself into the ground to die. I have no more choices or preferences. I have no other hope or expectation. I have no other future. I am only here as a seed to be buried."

Sowing Ourselves into the Ground will Cause Us to Be Fruitful

The Lord Jesus was one who sowed Himself into the ground to die: "Truly, truly, I say to you, Unless the grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it abides alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit" (John 12:24). If we wish to be fruitful, then we also must go and die. Psalm 126 is very deep. First there is an initial enjoyment, but then there is a deeper consecration. In this consecration the Lord does not demand that we do anything. He only demands that we die. The Lord doesn't ask us to serve Him. Instead, He asks us to sow ourselves into the ground, just as He did. When we do this, the result is that we "reap with a ringing shout." Death and burial is not the end. When we sow ourselves into the ground, we will reap something. When we sow in tears, we will reap in joy! Praise the Lord for this!

The psalm continues, "He who goes forth and weeps, bearing seed for scattering, will no doubt come in with a ringing shout, bearing his sheaves with him" (v. 6). When the Lord tells us to go and die, and we respond, "Yes, Lord," then we become like precious seed. We are buried under the ground and out of sight. But then we bear much fruit. We return with joy, bearing our sheaves with us. Fruitfulness does not come by doing a lot of activities. We only become fruitful by falling into the ground to die. For us to be fruitful we must tell the Lord, "I am willing to die with You. I am willing to bury myself as a seed. I know that I will come back with sheaves, with bountiful fruit for Your enjoyment." Then the Lord enjoys the fruit, and we do also. This is much deeper than the enjoyment when we first came into the church. Now we have been released from our self-life. Our captivity has been turned, just as "the streams in the south." The streams that flow in the desert will cause barren land to become fruitful. When we are freed from our self, we also become fruitful. This is a higher enjoyment. After sowing in tears, we reap in joy.

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