Being Enlarged through the Knowledge of Ourselves


	PSALM 130: Being Enlarged through the Knowledge of Ourselves Affliction in Our Environment Drives Us to Pray Psalm 130 begins, "Out of the depths I have called upon You, O Jehovah. O Lord, hear my voice; let Your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications" (v. 1-2). This verse follows from the previous psalm. Whenever we experience the Lord's plowing work through our environment, we become a person of prayer. We are not this way by nature. We prefer to be wild and unrestricted and usually don't feel the need to pray. But when we go through a trial, or when something drastic happens, then we become a prayerful person. We are driven to the Lord. We call on the Lord "out of the depths." Because of our affliction we pray, "O Lord, hear my voice; let Your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications." Spending Time in the Lord's Presence Exposes Our Sinful Condition The next verse is extremely precious: "If You, O Jehovah, marked iniquities, who, O Lord, would stand?" (v. 3). The psalmist now has a realization of who he is. After experiencing the Lord's plowing, and after touching the Lord in prayer, the psalmist knows himself. He realizes that he is filled with iniquity. Previously he was so buoyant and strong. In the stage of enjoyment he became a "mighty man with arrows." He was like a fruitful vine and an olive tree, effectively serving the Lord and the saints. Yet now he has passed through a deeper process. He went through some plowing from the Lord, and deep furrows were cut in his back for him to grow in life. In the midst of this he cried out to the Lord and made supplications. This brought him to the proper realization of himself. Because of the Lord's cultivation, the psalmist can say, "Lord, I am in Your hand. I see now who I really am. I know what kind of person I am. If you marked iniquities, who would stand?" When we experience the Lord's plowing work, and as we become more prayerful in His presence, we have a much greater realization of who we really are. This can only come from the Lord's cultivating work. As spend time in the Lord's presence we are exposed. Even though the Lord previously brought us to a certain maturity in life, now we see that we are filled with iniquity. Then we can pray, "Lord, when I was young, I didn't realize I was that sinful. I didn't realize I was that evil. When I was young I was still very bold to do things for You. But now, Lord, I have grown. You have arranged many environments to cut me and deal with me. You have caused me to spend so much more time with You in prayer. Lord, now I have begun to see who I am. How can I come to You? How can I even stand in Your presence? How can I possibly satisfy You? Lord, I am just a sinner, even the chief sinner. I am filled with iniquity. I am a wicked and defeated person. How could You have chosen a person like me? If You marked iniquities, O Lord, who would stand?" Seeing Ourselves in the Lord's Presence Makes Us Dependent on His Mercy Before we love the Lord we may not think we are so evil. We may even feel quite good about ourselves. But after we love the Lord for many years, we realize that were it not for the Lord's mercy we would be capable of any sin. There is not even one sin that we are not capable of committing. Were it not for the Lord's saving hand we would be vulnerable to any temptation. The Lord is the one preserving us, upholding us, strengthening us, and forbidding us to fall. As for ourselves, we are hopelessly sinful and capable of any evil. After we have such a realization about ourselves, we are enlarged. We no longer have the attitude, "I have grown in life. I have attained something. Now I am able to help the church." Instead we realize, "Lord, I have nothing. I'm just a sinner. If You were to mark all my iniquities, I couldn't possibly stand in Your presence. I am utterly dependent on Your mercy." If the Lord were to write down a list of our sins, how long would it be? It would fill up volumes. If we were to read even one page, we couldn't handle it. We would say, "I am so evil! I am so sinful! I am so far from the Lord! I am so rebellious, and so unwilling to submit! Oh Lord, this is who I am!" For this reason we no longer have any trust in ourselves. We realize that we are utterly dependent on the Lord's mercy. It is when we are under the Lord's shining to this degree that we become qualified to build the church. The Knowledge of Ourselves Makes Us the Proper Person for the Building Up of the Church How can we be built up with others in the church life? First we have to go through affliction from the Lord's governmental hand. As He plows over our person we need to spend much time with Him in prayer. It is in prayer, in the Lord's light, that we are brought to realize who we are. Then we will cry out, "Lord, if You would mark iniquities, who would stand? I'm only here by Your mercy!" This makes us the proper person for the building up of the church. The more we think that we are "right" the more the Lord will bring us to Psalm 130. To say "I am right!" is to be wrong to the uttermost. It means we are completely the wrong person for the building of the church. For example, suppose a leading brother harshly rebukes us. When we see who we really are, we will not defend ourselves because we know there is nothing to defend. Our realization will be, "I am worse than you say." This is the secret for building the church. We must be brought to this realization: "I was conceived in sin. I grew up in my self-life. In all these years I have been in rebellion against the Lord." Then at the same time we should pray, "Yet, Lord, I am still able to love You. I am still able to love Your church. Thank You, Lord. This is all by Your mercy." Then we are the proper person for the building up of the church. For the church to be built up, we don't need to be so "right." Instead, we need to be more "wrong." Whenever we think that we are right, we are filled with opinions and self-justification. For us to be built together in the church, and for us to participate in the Lord's building work, we must realize, "I am terrible. I am so far away from God. I am so sinful, so evil, so short, so weak, and so defeated. I am so rebellious, even against the Lord Himself. I am just a terrible person." Then we will not dare to voice so many opinions. At the same time we will be very open to the other saints. Once we see light on ourselves, then building becomes easy. If all of us realize "I am the wrong person" when we are together with other saints, would there be any arguments? Would there be any strife? Would there be any opinions? If some leading brothers are together and have the Lord's light on themselves, would there be any competition or struggling between them? They would say, "We are nothing. We are only here by the Lord's mercy." Isn't this precious? When we see who we are, it is easy for the church to be built up. The More the Lord Forgives Us, The More We Will Fear Him The realization of who we are should not bring us under condemnation. For this the reason the psalmist continues, "But with You there is forgiveness, that You would be feared" (v. 4). The Lord's light should cause us to trust in the Lord's forgiveness. We should not overly dwell on our sinfulness, but on the Lord's salvation. This verse contains the interesting fact that the more the Lord forgives us, the more we fear Him. We should not think that enjoying the Lord's forgiveness will lead us to be loose and careless in our behavior. Actually, the more the Lord forgives us the more we are afraid to sin again. Our experience of forgiveness makes us very sensitive to the Lord. We develop a godly fear, because we do not want to offend Him. We Must Wait on the Lord and Hope in His Word Furthermore, because we see who we are we learn to wait on the Lord. "I wait for Jehovah; my soul waits, and in His word I hope" (v. 5). We used to be so confident in our ability to serve the Lord. Now we realize, "I am a hopeless, useless person. There is no way for me to build up the church, to help the saints, or to please the Lord. All I can do is wait for His mercy." Even though we know we are so terrible, we cannot go back to the world or try to escape the church life. All we can do is wait on the Lord. Not only do we wait, but we hope in the Lord's word. We realize that His word can nourish us, sustain us and lead us. When we are so aware of our poor condition because of the Lord's shining, we should hope in His word. The Lord's word can re-establish us in life. We Must Give Ourselves To the Lord's Testimony and Trust in His Redemption The psalm continues, "My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, yes watchmen for the morning" (v. 6). While we wait on the Lord, we are also watching. "Hope in Jehovah, O Israel" (v. 7a). We have seen that Israel represents the Lord's testimony. Not only should we wait, hope, and watch, but we must give ourselves to the Lord. s testimony. Before we experienced the Lord's dealing and shining, we felt that we were honoring the Lord when we gave ourselves to Him. Now our feeling is very different. As we give ourselves to the Lord, we consider it a mercy and a privilege. We realize, "It is an honor that the Lord will even accept my service. It is the Lord's mercy that I am allowed to remain with all of these dear saints. Everyone else is so marvelous, but I am so poor. Thank You, Lord, that I can give myself to You for Your testimony." We no longer think that it is an honor to the Lord that we serve Him; instead, we are honored by the fact that He accepts our service. "For with Jehovah there is lovingkindness, and with Him abundantly there is redemption" (v. 7). Praise the Lord for His redemption! The Lord is the one who redeems us from all our corruption and iniquity. "And it is He who will redeem Israel from all its iniquities" (v. 8). Individually and corporately, the Lord redeems us from everything that is not of Himself. The church will be free from all its iniquity because the Lord is the church's Redeemer. Psalm 130 is a wonderful psalm. After experiencing what is described in this psalm we truly become enlarged. By our knowledge of ourselves and our trust in the Lord's redemption we become enlarged for the sake of His testimony. To purchase the book Journey of Life; the Psalms of Ascent and Song of Songs