Confronting Crisis in the Full-time Serving Life
Message Three: Guarding Against the Desires of the Soul-life

Guarding Against a Deformed Daily Life By Understanding Our Soul-life

The fact that you may have some spiritual growth does not automatically protect you from becoming deformed in your daily life. These two are not mutually exclusive. You can be very spiritual, and yet for some reason not useful in the Lord's hands. When you first begin to serve the Lord, you live a certain kind of life. As you grow older your manner of life changes, and as you grow older still, you enter into yet another kind of lifestyle. This change in your manner of life can corrupt you and damage your ministry, yet it can occur without your sensing anything. Formerly you could trust the Lord with a few dollars in your pocket; now, without a certain amount of money in the bank you get nervous. Previously you were satisfied with whatever clothing the Lord gave you to wear; now you are very concerned about your appearance. Formerly you could read the Bible all day long; now you feel after an hour's reading that you have done your duty. Previously you could preach the gospel without caring so much about fruit; now you are not willing to speak unless there is a likelihood that a person will believe. Your daily life goes from one form to another as you grow older. It has one form when you are single, another after marriage, and yet another when you have children. What is important is whether these forms are healthy, or whether they are deformed.

The invasion of those things which can deform our daily life has caused much suffering to the Lord's recovery. In the early days no one cared about what make or model of car they were driving. There was little talk about money. Then for some reason a consciousness of money came in. For instance, today if we see someone driving a new car, we may be bothered about it and wonder why we can't get a new car. Many things can come into our daily life and cause our service for the Lord to lose its effectiveness.

Whether or not you will experience this kind of deformation in your daily life depends upon your understanding of your soul-life. If you are clear that your soul-life is only good for denying, there will be little chance for improper or damaging things to come in. Damaging things come in because we stand with our soul-life instead of denying it. Your understanding of your soul-life is thus at the heart of this whole matter. Your living is based upon your soul-life.

1. Our Soul-life Causes Us to Seek What Is Fitting to Us

What is it that the soul-life desires? First, the soul-life seeks that which is agreeable, or fitting, to its taste. We choose friends that fit us, we fellowship with the brothers that fit us, we chose a job that fits us, we chose a lifestyle that fits us, and we eat food that agrees with our taste. This is what is natural; but if we do not know how to break with what fits us, we will become frustrated in our spiritual exercise.

For instance, if I meet another Chinese person I feel closer to that person, just as a Caucasian would feel closer to another Caucasian he met in Taiwan. This is very natural, but when it is given too much of a place in the church it can become exclusive, and eventually an opportunity for gossip and ungodliness. So from the beginning we should look for things that do not fit us and learn to enjoy and appreciate those situations or things. We all feel a need to find our place in the church life, but we should be careful as to how we pursue it, for we may find ourselves seeking something that is fitting to our soul-life and which will eventually frustrate our spiritual life.

2. Our Soul-life Causes Us to Desire What Is Comfortable

The second thing the soul-life desires is comfort. What fits us is related to our personality; but comfort is related to our physical life. To desire a decent car is not wrong, but we often seek something that gives our body comfort beyond what is necessary. For instance, we may buy a car because of a feature that makes it more relaxing to drive in. If the Lord provides you the means for such a car, there is nothing wrong with buying it. However, if the Lord does not provide for it and we still attempt to get it, that would be fighting for our comfort, something that would bring an element into our daily life that the Lord did not intend. Many brothers even get themselves into debt for the sake of obtaining something that they find comfortable.

The lure of comfort is all around us. I fly frequently and am sometimes rewarded with an upgrade from coach to first class. After a few instances of flying first class it is difficult to go back to coach. During a long flight, you just long for something more comfortable. If the Lord provides something better, there is nothing wrong with taking it. But if we allow what is comfortable to come in and become incorporated into our standard of living, we have become deformed in our daily life. We should not seek after what is comfortable. If the Lord provides, that is one thing, but if we expect or seek after what the Lord has not provided, that is another.

The desire for comfort is always present with us. If you do not know how to deal with it, eventually you will lose your ability to rise up and fight for the Lord's interest. When there is a need to fast, you won't know how to fast. When there is a need to really pray, you will not have the ability. When there is the need to labor day and night, you won't even know how to put yourself into it, because your daily life has become deformed. Then what can you do? Your usefulness is gone, especially when it is most needed. You have become accustomed to handling things in a certain way, and find yourself unable to rise up in those situations that require you most urgently. Your operation is limited to your comfort zone. You may argue that you live within your means and that your lifestyle is quite simple. That doesn't matter. A Chevette can be comfortable to one who is exercising a certain kind of living. If you enjoy it, you will become satisfied with it. Then you'll find yourself needing it and eventually depending on it. This is how the "comfortable disease" advances.

Our inability to give ourselves without reservation in our serving life is not usually a matter of whether something fits us or not. Our being full-time already indicates that spiritual labor is something that fits us. Our inability is often due to our being used to a certain level of comfort. This increased comfort level develops slowly. When I first came to this country, my father began to send me some tea. I found that drinking a cup of tea after getting home from work was quite relaxing. Something began to develop. Don't think this is a small thing, for eventually other things begin to come in. Pretty soon you are unable to meet the Lord's need. Sometimes by the Lord's mercy you have the ability to shake these things off. If you get used to a better seat in an airplane, you just learn to shake it off. If you get used to a better hotel room, you just have to shake it off. Realize, however, that your soul is always seeking comfort.

3. Our Soul-life Causes Us to Seek Satisfaction

The third thing your soul-life seeks is satisfaction. This is a psychological matter, something having to do with contentment and fulfillment. Nearly every brother who serves the Lord full-time experiences satisfaction with the Lord. This is because they are daily in the Word and prayer. The peculiar thing is that many still feel that they are not satisfied with being satisfied with the Lord. They still seek something else, such as fruitfulness or leadership. This indicates that they are not satisfied. When they hear that many in a certain place are being saved, or that there was a marvelous conference somewhere, or that someone gave a wonderful message, they wish they could have been involved. Our soul-life is not satisfied with Christ or with what Christ is doing; in such a case our soul-life seeks some further satisfaction. We are always seeking better opportunities for our serving. On the one hand there is something proper about seeking greater profit for the Lord, but we often are guided by a desire for our own satisfaction rather than the Lord's.

To seek any kind of satisfaction besides Christ Himself or that of being a member of the Body, even satisfaction related to spiritual service, can be very harmful. We may feel, "That is why I am a full-timer! I need to develop my ministry!" Yes, you need to develop, but according to Watchman Nee a ministry is constituted out of two things: revelation and suffering. If you desire to develop your ministry, then you must pursue revelation and cooperate with sufferings. Surely a ministry will then be constituted in you, and you will be useful.

Sometimes we seek others' admiration. Perhaps we enjoy the gratitude of others. We use these kinds of satisfaction just as opium. If we don't learn to despise such things, they will really hurt us. Christ and His commitment alone should be sufficient to satisfy us. The desire to be satisfied with something other than Christ is to desire some food other than what He gives us. We should learn not to seek after anything else, which is just "candy." It is enough to be satisfied with the Lord and with His interests.

4. Our Soul-life Causes Us to Desire to Be Special

The fourth thing our soul-life craves is to be special. It is hard for us to just be common brothers, especially if we feel we have been through something, or if we know something. This, along with seeking something for satisfaction besides Christ, is very much related to ambition. These two desires of the soul-life are more serious than the desire for what fits us or for what gives us comfort. Many brothers seek manifestation because they desire to be special. They do not realize that true manifestation comes by going through the process of Christ's death and resurrection. One who can truly be manifested by the Lord is one who no longer has any desire to be special. He has learned simply to be a brother. He may become special in the eyes of others, but that does not change his exercise as a brother. Whether he is giving a conference or sitting in a conference given by another, he knows how to be a normal brother in the church life.

Desiring to be special means that you desire to be more than God wants you to be. You desire to be more than you are. Are you willing to just be a brother? Are you able to exercise in the meetings of the church in the same way that everyone else does? If you have given a conference, are you able to be the same as the other brothers afterwards? Are you satisfied with experiencing what others are experiencing, or must you have a special experience that makes you extraordinary? Such a desire to be special is from your soul-life. It is against God and should be denied. You should learn to be the same as others.

5. Our Soul-life Causes Us to Seek after Accomplishment

The fifth thing our soul-life tempts us with is accomplishment. We should have the desire to fulfill what the Lord has committed us with, but it is not healthy to desire accomplishment. The apostle Paul's life was filled with accomplishment, yet everything he accomplished resulted from what was committed to him by God. Paul didn't have accomplishment in view; he had his commitment in view.

If you labor as a farmer it is right to expect to partake of the fruit (1 Cor. 9:7, 10). You may have expectation for the produce of life, and for the building up of the church, but not for your accomplishment. For example, towards the Corinthians Paul was committed with sowing, Apollos was committed with watering, and God gave the growth (1 Cor. 3:6). Our tendency is neither to sow nor to water, but to look for accomplishment. We don't realize how this corrupts and deforms our daily life. If you seek after accomplishment you will be led into playing politics, using your own hand to manipulate situations. You will feel the need to plot, and to plan out strategies to attain your goal. You will no longer be trusting in the Lord. Expecting any kind of accomplishment will cause your way to deviate.

This word seems heavy, but I hope it can help you. As you guard against a deformed daily life by understanding your soul-life, watch out for these five things in particular. Watch out for what fits you. Watch out for what makes you comfortable. Watch out for what satisfies you. Watch out for the desire to be special. Watch out for the desire for accomplishment. These five are listed in the order of their seriousness. Once you are overcome by the desire for accomplishment, you are in very grave danger. May the Lord have mercy to guard us against all the desires of our soul-life.