Message Three
How to Help Your Husband in A Postive Way (2) 

Prayer: Lord, we ask for Your cleansing by Your precious blood. Lord, we do give this time to You. Lord, cleanse us and cover us. Lord, even at this moment, move among us that the eyes of our heart may be enlightened, that we may see all the glory and the riches. We want to see what You are doing, and we willingly drop everything for Your sake. Lord, surely this is our desire. Lord, we have given up so much just because of You, therefore, Lord, we do open ourselves up more. Lord, please bring us into more of the reality, so our time will not be wasted. Day by day in the church life, day by day in the family life, we want our realization to be so real, so deep with You. Lord, cover us with Your precious blood. Cleanse our spirit. Cleanse our soul. Cleanse our body. Anoint us with Yourself that we all would see You in a marvelous way. Thank You, Lord Jesus, for this time.

The Wife Should Be a Positive Helpmate to Her Husband

In this series of messages we have seen that the wife's existence is because of her husband. We have also seen that both positively and negatively the wife can be a helpmate to her husband. On the negative side, who we are in our shortcomings and weaknesses is a help to our husbands. For this reason, there is no need to feel condemned or pressured when we make a mistake. We can be very relaxed in our family life. But this kind of help is not the best. The best kind of help is positive help, which a wife can render to her husband's person and to his living. Firstly, you need to take care of your husband's person, that is, his body, soul and spirit. Secondly, you need to take care of his living, that is, his work life, family life, and church life.

Help His Body  

Related to his body, a wife should help her husband to be healthy. She can help him to eat and sleep well. This is more important than a wife's being spiritual. These matters seem very simple but are also very easy to neglect. A wife often prepares the meals according to what she likes or what is available, without considering the needs of her husband. Even the kind of mattress and sheets you have will affect how well your husband sleeps. As a wife, if possible, we need to learn to care for these things. They are simple, but not small. If you know how to care for your husband in this way, your husband will serve the Lord with more strength and will live longer.

The Lord may have predestinated for a man to live ninety years, but I wouldn't be surprised if his wife reduces her husband's age by causing him to be too nervous, too pressured, and too bothered. This is the case for every husband, so don't let your conscience be troubled. We need to learn how to help our husband by taking care of his health.

Help His Soul and His Spirit

Related to the soul, we need to learn two things: first, give your husband rest. The more rest, the better. While he is eating, let him eat. If you can, tell him something that will make him happy. Don't bother him by talking about things you want to buy, or problems you had with the kids. At least let him rest during the meal time. You can save your complaints until after dinner. Your husband will be very rested if you are rested. If you are not so bothered, he will not get bothered. His restfulness comes from your restfulness.

Secondly, learn to upgrade, to enlarge his soul. If he doesn't have a degree, encourage him to get a degree. If he doesn't have a trade, encourage him to learn a trade. If it is possible, help him to gain something more than he already has. Of course, you must know when to stop. To push him to get three Ph.D.'s is going overboard. But, proper enlargement is precious. By encouraging him to go back to school, you may go through a period of financial restraint. But in the long run, this is very worthwhile. It will save you more suffering later on in life. Don't live for a poor life. Learn to have an upgraded life. Learn to upgrade your husband's soul so that he won't be so common.

If you learn these two secrets in caring for your husband's soul, you have done a good job. Firstly, learn to give him some rest. This is difficult because women all feel that they are the weaker vessel, so they are the ones who need rest. We think that our husband is strong; he can do everything. But you have to realize that husbands are weaker than wives. Only women can pack three kids into a car, and drive around shopping for sales each week to get cheaper eggs. When a man has a fever of 100° he can't get out of bed and needs constant care. When a mother has a fever of 102° she still gets up, makes breakfast, and sends the kids off to school before going back to lay down. Women are much more persistent and solid than men in a certain way. So wives must learn to give their husbands rest, and to upgrade their souls.

Then we come to the spirit. You must learn to feed your husband's spirit by feeding your own spirit. The more you feed your spirit, the more his spirit will naturally be fed.

Help His Working Life

A wife should not only care for her husband's person but also for his living, for his daily life. Your husband has a working life, a family life, and a church life. In the working life, because we don't aim for promotions or success, we just perform our duties properly. If the gospel is preached, that is good enough. You shouldn't completely neglect your husband's working life; otherwise you won't have much chance to preach the gospel. But you shouldn't involve yourself in the working life with a view to promotion. Otherwise, you will get caught in endless social activities. Rather, you should have a proper openness for the gospel to be preached.

Help His Family Life to be for the Church Life

The second part of the daily life is the family life. This was the major burden of the previous message. In the family life, you must have a vision that the family life is part of the church life. Most sisters have this problem. They consider that they have their own family life and within that family life they practice the church life. Families experience much unhappiness because they divide the family life from the church life. They have an idea of how they want their family life and they try to fit the church life into their family life.

Many times there is a conflict because the church life doesn't fit into your family life. This forces you to make a choice. Either you insist on your family life which both you and your husband will find hard, or you just give up your family life to be in the church life. But then you are bothered because you feel that you don't have a family life. This happens because you don't have a vision that the family life and the church life are actually one and the same.

A healthy family life is for the church life, and a healthy church life strengthens the family life. The healthier the church life is, the happier the family life should be. If you and your husband love the Lord and are fully in the church life, your family should be healthy. If either you or your husband withdraws from the church life, then both your church life and your family life will be hard, because you don't have the vision that you cannot separate the two from each other. Whatever is best for the church life should be carried out in the family life. When you properly participate in the church life, then naturally you will have a wonderful family life.

The problem is that we like to hold onto our family life. We give some time to our family life and some time to the church life. But this will never work. I do know that if you and your husband both love the church, you will easily know how to handle your family life. Your family life will be so healthy. If, by the Lord's mercy, you have this basic consecration to the Lord, that your family life is for the church, then you will know how to help your husband, how to raise your children, how to behave yourself in the family life and in the church life. If you are for the church life, you will have a healthy, happy family life.

When you try to hold onto your family life, keeping it separate from the church life, you will be frustrated because the church life is like a big bulldozer. When it moves, everything in its path goes with it. You can't hold anything back from the church life. If you try to hold onto your family life, you will begin to fight with the church life. Then you and your family will be frustrated and unhappy. And the church life will be hurt. In the end you will gain nothing by fighting. You won't gain the proper growth. Instead, you will just be bothered.

If your family life is for the church life, life is simple. Then whatever you do related to the family life will have the church life in view. Everything you do will become simple and you will have very little frustration. When you invite people over to your house, your furniture and your carpet will get worn out quicker. If your family life is not for the church life, then you may consider that your possessions are your own and you don't want people to use them or wear them out. You may not want to invite saints over because you will have to take more time to cook or because you only like eating alone with your husband. This is because you like to live a mechanical life, with everything done precisely the way you want it. To live this way is to fight the church life. You are trying to hold onto your family life. You are telling the Lord, "Lord, I have given You everything already. Just let me keep this one thing." But this is not possible.

I repeat to you, the church life is like a bulldozer. When the bulldozer comes, there is no excuse or compromise. Whatever is in its path is taken away. When people stop coming to meetings, the church life doesn't die. The church life keeps going on. When they return they find out, the church life keeps going on. The church life doesn't wait for anyone. The church life is always positive and strong. If the church life would ever stop, then the family life will quickly die out as well. The reason why the family life is healthy is because the church life is like a bulldozer, never stopping, always going on. There is no way to hold onto it; you can only struggle with it, and that struggling will cause you to suffer.

If you do not have the vision that your family life is for the church life, then you will not be that happy. You must consider all the fellowship we have had so far in sequence. Firstly, you must learn to relax. You can have the boldness in your conscience to tell your husband that you were designed very specifically to meet his needs. But once you are relaxed, you need to be very positive, to realize that your family life is for the church life. Don't be concerned for your carpet, your sofa or your dishes. Let them be worn out. When you take this attitude, your house will be much more open.

Also, when you realize that there is no way you can control or limit your husband, you can give him the liberty to serve the Lord. If he comes home late, let him come home late. No husband would rather stay at the meeting hall than come home. Your husband does not stay late at the hall because he doesn't like you. He would much rather be at home, but if he stays late at the hall it is because he cannot help it. Let him do what he has to do. And your husband will have to learn the same thing if you ever stay late at the hall serving. We need to give our husbands the liberty to love and serve the Lord according to however the Lord leads them.

You should not worry about your children, because the church raises children much better than anyone else. Most of our children have been raised up in a proper, healthy way. They may want to leave the church life for a time, but later they come back and become very healthy. If you could see that your family life is for the church life, then your attitude towards your family will be different. You will always consider how your family can be most useful in the church life.

There are certain homes the young people like to visit. I believe the main reason they prefer these homes is because the families there do not pressure the young people. The young people are not afraid of making themselves comfortable. They just feel peaceful in that home, and are able to be open there. The families are so relaxed, so all the young people like to go there.

Today, in the church life, we don't have enough families that serve as functioning units to swallow up the death in people's daily lives. Rather, whenever there is death, the death only gets magnified. If a young brother has a problem, there may be no place he can go that will not pressure him. He has no one to talk to about his problem, no shoulder to weep on. Maybe this is because we are all too "right." One the one hand, some do have the gift of making people feel comfortable. But on the other hand, all of us should learn to open up our homes a little. If the young people feel free to drop by your house any night and eat with you without pressure, then your house functions very well. Inviting the young people over will initiate this kind of atmosphere.

When your house functions well, any young person should feel free to walk in and eat with your family, even if it is only hot dogs. You should not feel pressured because you are not serving them steak and potatoes. They should not feel that they are bothering you. When there is a sense of family among the saints and among the young people, then many weaknesses will get swallowed up instead of being magnified. Now, in the church life, it seems that if there are any shortcomings, they only get magnified. If a brother or sister loses their temper, pretty soon the whole church knows about it, but nobody "swallows up" the temper. What that saint needs is for someone to swallow up the temper, not to talk about it. Wherever you go, people lose their tempers. It is not that serious. If so many homes with so many saints are open, then we don't even have to be spiritual. Just naturally we will render help to the members in the church. You can do this only by having this realization: there is no separate family life. My family life is for the church life.

Of course, when the church life is healthy, you do have a family life. But the priority should not be the family life. The church life should be our priority. Naturally every family should spend some time each week together, to read together or talk together. But this should not be your aim. Your aim should be the church life. When you aim at having the church life, you allow the church life to care for your family life.

The atmosphere in your home may seem dead if you don't have people in and out of your house. Young people will eat whatever you serve them. They are not as picky as older people. The young people just care for the atmosphere. If you have a fun, lively atmosphere, they are happy to be there. Some of our houses seem dead mainly because we have never given our family life to the church life. You always enjoy visiting homes where you sense life. We should be positive and aggressive in having an open home. Our home should be one that always has saints over, that always gives hospitality, and that always exercises to enjoy Christ.

Help His Church Life

The third kind of living is the church life itself, especially the sisters' church life. On one hand, if you have seen what has been shared in these messages, you should have seen what the sisters' church life is already. But the sisters do need to learn a few things related to the church life.

Do Not Be "Spiritual"

Firstly, we must learn not to be spiritual. A church that has many "spiritual" sisters is in trouble. The less "spiritual" sisters, the better. However, this does not mean we should not be in spirit. Nor does it mean that we should be in our flesh. But often the sisters aim at the wrong thing. We want to be spiritual so that we can be a certain kind of sister in the church life, but that is not right. In all my years in the church life, I have never seen an exalted, spiritual sister end up healthy. Once you are "spiritual" you become opinionated. It becomes easy for you to tell others the "right way" to do things. The best way for us to see the church life is to first see that we don't have to be spiritual.

Do Not Push Your Husband to be "Spiritual"

Secondly, we should help our husbands to not be spiritual. Many sisters may not care to be spiritual themselves, but they want to see their husband achieve something in the spiritual realm. They push their husband to be somebody, to be manifested. But this is wrong. If your husband is spiritual, it will not come from your pushing. He will be what he is in the hands of the Lord. You should just help him to be in spirit, and to enjoy the Lord. You should feed his spirit. But you shouldn't push him to be spiritual. You will only cause frustration, and possibly even damage your husband. Let him grow. Feed his spirit. Then, wherever he is, he will end up being what he should be.

Even if your husband achieves something because of your pushing, in the long run he will just get more and more pressured. He will find out he is not in the place he should be. Then he will be bothered and you will be bothered. Your husband should be nourished and fed, then he will be manifested according to who he is. Whatever the Lord has given to him will come out naturally. If you push him he will be frustrated, and will feel that he is not able. Sisters, you shouldn't be spiritual, and you shouldn't push your husband to have a certain kind of spirituality either. You should learn that in the church life we all grow, and our growth is very natural. We will be what we are according to the measure of the Lord.

Learn to be Very Practical

Thirdly, in the church life, we should learn to be practical. The more practical, the better. It is hard for sisters to be practical. Yet the Lord has given all the practical duties to the sisters. The Lord has put the sisters in the place to do the most practical things, but for some reason, the sisters still are not practical. All practical people have one virtue: they are "do-ers."

All the practical things in the church life should be carried by sisters. You should learn to carry the church life in a very practical way. The more practical, the better. This is more precious than giving a testimony in the meetings or getting someone saved. If you know how to carry the church life in a practical way with your husband, you will be much more of a blessing than if you get someone saved or function in the meetings. This is because you are touching something that is very basic in relation to the church life.

There are many young brothers and sisters in the church life. If a family were to pick up a burden for each one, these young ones could be perfected and become useful in the church life. Each one needs a home where they can relax. In a relaxed atmosphere they will be able to touch their spirit. Many times you cannot care for new ones properly because you are not practical. You can talk about spiritual things, but the new ones may not need spiritual talk. They need practicality. They need a mother, an older sister, someone they can open their heart to. They need someone they can trust, and that they know will never betray them. They need the practical ones who will sit with them, be open with them, and allow them to open up. Then they can really touch their spirit.

You need to help young people in the most practical way. Help them to quit smoking or to style their hair properly. They all need very practical help. It would be good for you and your husband to care for some young people in a very practical way. Again, the more practical, the better. Help them in every practical aspect. Help them with their finances, their clothing, their daily living, and their hair, as well as their spiritual function, their labor in the Word, and their releasing of their spirit. All these things need to be fellowshipped practically. If we don't know how to raise up the saints practically, they won't know how to go on with the Lord practically.

You may feel that the points I have shared with you are hard, or place too much responsibility on the sisters. But I believe that you are able to do what I have shared. It just depends on whether or not you want to do it. If you want to do these things, you will be able.

We shouldn't allow the church life to be so loose, where the new ones do not get help from those who have been in the church life longer. That is not right. Even if you haven't been in the church life a long time, you should still learn to allow your household to be for the church life.

Realize that the Church Life Will Always Have Problems

Finally, you must learn that the church life will always have problems. If one day the church life has no more problems, that means the church life is not going on. May the Lord cover this statement with His blood so that Satan doesn't use it negatively. If the church life is filled with problems, then you should rejoice because this shows that the church life is quite good. When you have more increase, surely you will have more problems. The more positive the church life is, the more problems you will have. In dealing with such problems, you need to learn to praise the Lord.

A large family has more problems than a couple with no children. This is just natural. We need to have this kind of understanding related to the church life. When the church life is so enjoyable and prevailing, a lot of problems will be happening at the same time. It is foolish to be discouraged by the problems. There is no need even to talk about the problems. There is no need to worry or make issues. If you can help in a positive way, then do so, but don't be bothered by all the problems.

There is not one person who is positive twelve months out of every year. Everyone has their down times and their struggles. Every week some brother or sister will have a problem with their spirit, with the church life, with their attitude, and so on. If you pay attention to their problems, you will be bothered. But there is no need to be bothered, and no need to make an issue. If you can help, just help positively. If you can't help, just let it go. Meanwhile, you should just go on positively.

Problems show that there is life. You have to learn to praise the Lord for the problems. When you talk about them, you just give place to Satan. The more you talk, the more Satan has ground to work. For example, a husband may be angry when he comes home, and may throw some dishes on the floor. Just by chance, you may stop by when this happens. You see the broken dishes, the angry husband, the weeping wife and the frightened children. You may feel that something must be terribly wrong for the husband to be that angry. The more you dwell on it, the more Satan can distort things in your mind. You should just praise the Lord and realize that the husband needs more growth. Then the whole thing will be over. Don't tell the whole church what happened. If everyone knows about it, then when that brother goes to the meeting everyone will look at him funny. He may have forgotten about what happened. He and his wife may have already made up. But the rest of the church will now be bothered.

Sisters, you must learn these four things: Do not aim at any kind of spirituality. Do not push your husband to be spiritual. Be very practical in helping the saints in the church life - the more practical, the better. And learn not to pass on any problems that are told to you. If someone tells you about problems in the church, help them learn not to gossip. The church will always have problems, but they don't have to become issues. When a problem becomes an issue, then that is serious. The only "issue" among us should be Christ and the church life. Then the church life will be prevailing.

My last word is this: don't just take this message as fellowship. Please do according to what has been shared. Once you learn to pick up a burden, and do according to what has been shared, then the church life will be different. The sisters will become a rich blessing to the church life.

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