Message Six:
Questions and Answers (2)


Question: If the Lord gives us a definite burden about something that needs to be taken care of in the church life, how do we go to the brothers in a proper way to fellowship about it, without seeming that we are taking over or telling them what to do?

Answer: This is very hard. My suggestion is to just go tell them but don't tell them what to do. Just fellowship with them your feeling. Sometimes the brothers may get frustrated by a sister's suggestions, however, the Lord does sometimes generate some feeling through the sisters. This is because sisters are able to see some things that brothers never see. For instance, brothers never see dust. But as soon as a sister sees dust, she will immediately clean it up. So, it is good for a sister to fellowship with the leading ones if she sees something that she doesn't know how to handle. Then she can get the brothers’ feeling about it.

The secret of practicing the church life, the secret of going on in the Lord's recovery, is to not be offended. Sometimes the brothers will not understand you. Sometimes the brothers will even lose their temper. But don't be offended; realize that is just where the brothers are at in that moment. If you don't learn this secret, the Lord's recovery will be hard. In the recovery we do stress order, but to be in order we need to be very spiritual. However, there is no need to be overly concerned if the brothers react to what you say. You are still a good sister. You didn't come to the church life because the brothers are so nice to you all the time. No matter how you are treated in the church life you are here because of the Lord.

Question: If there is a sister who has been in the church life longer than the only brother in the locality, who should take the lead? This is a strong sister. My spirit is really bothered about this and when she speaks to me alone my spirit is bothered also. This conference is helping me to have something to share with her.

Answer: The Bible makes it clear that there are strong sisters in the church life. Consider the example of Priscilla and Aquila. Priscilla and Aquila both got saved probably around the same time, when Paul went to work for them. I visualize Aquila as a very faithful, common brother, even capable, but not saying too much. His wife may have been just the opposite, aggressive, talking all the time. Priscilla stands out. When they went to Ephesus they met Apollos (Acts 18:24-26). They brought Apollos to their home and Priscilla taught Apollos. What she taught was not the top because it wasn’t until Paul went there soon after, that the believers there received the Holy Spirit (Acts 19:1-7). It is also possible that Priscilla encouraged Apollos to go to Corinth where she and Aquila had been saved. Eventually the church in Corinth was divided. Some claimed to be of Paul, and others of Apollos because Apollos was such an able preacher. But the Bible records all of this very positively.

Sisters have their place. But a sister is also a saint. As a saint you can operate in all capacities. As a sister you must know your limit. Suppose there is the church life which has a spiritual sister, comparatively speaking, and the brothers there are very young, possibly even saved by her. Yet even in this case the brothers still have to learn how to take the lead. That sister may operate very sweetly. In the whole Bible there is no condemnation of Priscilla. Eventually she and Aquila moved to Rome and again the church met in their home. Paul even greeted Priscilla and Aquila; he greeted the sister first (Rom. 16:3).

If there is only one brother in the locality, my advice to you is to pray for the Lord to gain two, and make an effort for the Lord to gain two brothers. The sisters in that locality should stand with the brother but not jeopardize any sister’s function. If you jeopardize another sister that church will become poor in resources. The one brother can only function so much. That church needs all the members to function. The sisters can easily speak but they should try not to teach. The sisters can minister, even expound on the word. But don't teach, don't tell the brothers what to do.

My advice to the sister who asked this question is this, try not to make too much of an issue. If that sister operates more, then pray with her more. Very few people are able to turn because of our admonishing. People turn by our love. In your locality, fellowship with this dear sister in love, even make a habit of praying with her more, and laboring with her more until all the distance between you is gone. And then if that sister has any shortcoming, she can be covered and restored.

Question: How can a single sister be used by the Lord to the full extent before she gets married? What is the difference between the function of single sisters and married sisters in the church life?

Answer: The biggest difference between the married sisters and the single sisters is the household. I would say that a married couple renders a much greater operation than single sisters. You may think that once you get married and have children you cannot do that much. But I do not agree. Unless the single sister lives in a sisters’ house, and that house operates as a unit, single sisters are limited. In principle, a married couple with a family can do much more because in the Bible the operating of the church life is through the household. In the early church in Jerusalem, the saints met from house to house. Every house is a little operating unit of the church life.

So, the single sisters must learn to work with the families. If you have a sisters’ house it is different. But if you do not yet live in the sisters’ house, don't try too hard to do things by yourself. You can either use the sisters’ house near you or you can work with a married couple. In this way every one of your contacts becomes a contact of the household. A married sister may be limited in her reaching out. As a single sister on campus your reaching out is unlimited. There are thousands of students waiting for you to contact them. Even if you work, you are still much more relaxed than a married working sister. A married sister must rush home right after work to care for her family. So she has very little opportunity to really get acquainted with her colleagues. But a single sister can invite a girl that she works with out for dinner and make friends. This is an opportunity to use a family’s home. You can invite yourself and your friend over for dinner. If the single sisters can work with the families in this way how prevailing the church life will be. I would say that the Lord can bless the church life much more by this kind of cooperation.

Question: What is the significance of head covering? How should I wear it as the reality and not a ritual?

Answer: I would encourage the sisters to try to wear a head covering, although surely it is not a law. Try to cover your head, not for your sake, but for the brothers’ sake. Many times when I see a sister properly cover her hair it really puts me on the spot. That head covering speaks to me, Brother, are you a proper brother? Even more than that, that head covering really puts Satan to shame. Satan became Satan because he didn't cover his head. And Eve sinned because she did not cover her head in that particular incident. So it is very good to have your head covered.

The kind of head covering you wear should be proper, simple, and present our stand to others. Don't make it overly pretty. In some denominations the women wear hats and each week is a hat contest to see who can wear the prettiest hat. This is not a covering but an exposing. So don't try to make your head covering too pretty. I would also recommend that you not try to be the same as all the other sisters. If we are unified it will make us too exclusive.

Question: Is it proper for sisters to break the bread in the Lord's table meeting?

Answer: Anything that a person sees, try not to overdo it. The duties in the church life that are manifested like making announcements, leading the meeting, or breaking the bread, it is best that the sisters not do these things. This is based on the principle shown in the parable of the two men in the field and the two women at the mill (Matt. 24:40-41). The brother works in the daylight, and the sister works at night. At night can imply both before the Lord’s coming; or it can also indicate hard times. When the church is in trouble the sisters should labor even more by processing what the brothers produce. In the parable of the woman seeking the lost coin (Luke 15:8-10), she closed the door and lit the lamp to find the coin. In that principle, anything that is public or stands out, try not to do. However, if you really feel led and inspired to break the bread, especially in a smaller Lord's table in a homey setting, I would say go ahead and do it. But don't make it a practice.

Question: What is the Lord's way for a sister to coordinate with a brother for the proper preparation of the Lord's coming? How can a sister apply the Lord's way for her daily church life?

Answer: This question is very spiritual, and very hard to answer. Actually, the Lord's way is different for every individual, even though the Lord's principle is the same. You need to have morning revival, to come to the Word daily, to be in the church life, and to take care of the saints. These are the principles, but how you carry them out is different for each individual.

Question: How can we learn to "grind at the mill"? How can we take the wheat the brothers produce and make it nourishing?

Answer: This is a spiritual question, and very hard to answer. Any spiritual exercise is related to certain principles. Firstly, you need spiritual insight. For instance, if you exercise in the church life, yet you don't have any spiritual insight, you will never see anything. The brothers may produce a lot of hard food but you'll never see it.

Secondly, this insight should motivate a burden in us. For instance, after a conference, you may see something. What I see must become a charge within me. This insight should become my burden. Then, thirdly, out of that burden there should be some labor. Many times the saints do not have insight, or they have insight but no burden. Even if you have insight which has generated a burden, there still may be no labor. We may think about someone we are burdened for but if we don't do anything, that is a burden without labor. This is very common in the church life. It is good when you are burdened about something to labor into it, and exercise accordingly. You may enjoy a message from a conference, and have a burden to get into it. Your labor can be to transcribe the message, pick out the speaking that is crucial and read it with some sisters.

Then, fourthly, out of your labor you always produce some kind of practice in the church life. We should exercise in this way. Otherwise our church life is just a meeting life. We go to the meetings, then we go home. The brothers may speak many things but it does not produce anything. But when the brothers speak something that charges you, go back to labor and to practice so that many of the saints can see what you see. This is a marvelous church life. If we would all exercise this in the church life, how blessed will be the church life.

Then, how can we use the wheat to produce something nourishing? When you hear a message, you should labor to get the speaking into you. You should not be so distant from what you have heard. Otherwise you will forget it. In the church life, there are many things going on. This makes it too easy for us to forget the riches that we have. So, you should abide and labor in what the Lord has inspired you with. Brother Lee has produced many riches that will take countless brothers and sisters many nights of grinding at the mill to make them enjoyable. We should learn these things.

Question: We are burdened for the children’s service. What should we do? How can we carry out our burden without feeling like we are in charge? How can we bring more saints into the service?

Answer: If you take care of the children’s meeting, surely you are in charge. When we say that the sister cannot be the head, that does not mean that sisters shouldn’t do anything. If you have a burden for the children’s meetings, then be in charge. Just because the sister is not the head does not mean that she should just be a robot, being told what to do and not daring to make any suggestions in fellowship. We should be very free and relaxed in the church life. When we are in charge, we should be in charge.

To bring more saints into the service, just fellowship your need in the meeting. Before you say something publicly, fellowship with the elders. Then, in the meeting, you can announce the need of serving ones and ask for all those who are burdened to contact you. It is always sweet and good for the sisters to be so aggressively burdened and exercised.

Question: When negative things rise up in my soul, such as criticism, gossip, complaints, or offenses, it is very hard for me to drop them. They always seem to find me. If they do not come out at that moment, then they will only erupt worse later. It seems that putting these things to death is hard.

Answer: This is also my experience. You may try so hard not to lose your temper, but it will only come back later. Or, you may just lose your temper. Don’t try to do anything to stop or to encourage your temper.

For example, suppose you visit Los Angeles. You will expect sunny skies. But suppose that four typhoons come in a row and it rains the entire time you are there. Your feeling may be that you are in Taiwan, not in Los Angeles, because of all the typhoons. But the fact is that you are in Los Angeles. Your temper is like a typhoon. You are in the heavenlies in fact, even when you lose your temper. Just take care of life. When you take care of life, all your worrying over your temper will no longer exist. The fact is that you are in the heavenlies.

Don't try to overcome your weaknesses. Instead, just enjoy them. If you are not weak, how can you know the Lord’s grace? In the midst of your weakness, don’t focus on Satan or he will overcome you. Focus on the Lord. Then you will not be weighed down by your weaknesses. Rather, you will be enjoying the Lord.

Question: If a sister has a very good idea that might help the church, in what way can she speak it out to help?

Answer: If a sister has an idea that will help the church, there is nothing wrong with her fellowshipping her idea with the elders. The problem arises when a sister focuses too much on whether a thing should or shouldn’t be done. You must learn to pay attention to how it is done. For instance, you may see the need for more prayer in the church life. And you know that a number of sisters are not working, and would have time to come together and pray. If you have the burden to bring the sisters together to pray, the elders would not tell you that you are too opinionated. However, to carry out this burden you must do it in the right way. If you go to the elders and fellowship your burden in a sweet way, you will not be rebuked. But if you stand up in the meeting and rebuke the sisters for being lazy and tell them they have to come pray with you, you will get into trouble. Your way of expressing your burden in this case is very offensive. A strong sister operating properly in the church life can be a blessing to the church. But if that strong sister operates improperly, she will cause problems in the church.

Question: Is it proper for a sister to wear make-up?

Answer: There is no "yes" or "no" answer to this question. It depends on how the Lord leads you personally. I would like to use this opportunity to say a word to the wives. Many wives try to be a good wife by being sloppy. They try to show their husband that they are faithful and hard-working, so they don’t take time to take care of their appearance. Don’t do this. Even if you are only with your husband, make yourself very presentable. This is proper and wise.

Regarding make-up, I am for a very proper appearance. When you are at home, even only with your husband, present yourself with dignity. Don’t become sloppy. The same thing applies to the church meetings. Don’t take my word as a license to buy a new wardrobe or do your hair and make-up in outlandish styles. Be careful. We are not for the world, but surely we should present ourselves properly.

Question: My feeling is that in the church, brothers discourage sisters from working. But part of me feels that maybe I could be more profit to the family and to the church if I did. I have prayed about it a lot, but I still wait for an answer.

Answer: In the United States today, with our current standard of living, it is difficult for the wife not to work. In order to pay for a house, your children’s education, or another car, the wife needs to work. If you don’t want to work, the secret is to be very simple and not be attracted to anything. Just be satisfied with what you have.

There are several reasons why a wife would go to work full-time. Firstly, finance is one of the reasons. But it shouldn’t be the only reason. Rather, try to live simply. Another reason the wife may work is to challenge herself humanly. Today, many women are highly educated. It is hard for them to stay at home all day. If the wife is frustrated at home, then she should go get a job. But I strongly recommend, don’t work overtime. My feeling is, it is best if the wife only works part-time, just to relieve the pressure. Then she will feel more useful but she will also still have time to give to the church life. How much you can give to the church life is based on how much time you have. I would encourage the sisters to live a simple life and try to keep your evenings free for others, so that your household can become a blessing to the Body.

Question: I am often confused about the line between submission and opinion. How far do we have to go to meet the requirement of submission? Should we be like robots, doing whatever we are told? It seems whenever we say something it becomes opinion.

Answer: Submission is a matter of your person. It is not a matter of your deeds. A submissive person is submissive in whatever he or she does. You may do one submissive act but that doesn’t make you a submissive person. Learn to realize that being a submissive sister is a matter of your person, as you see your place in the church life and in the family life. This does not mean that you don’t have leadings from the Lord. Surely you can have much speaking from the Lord. With regards to the matter of opinion, if you feel what you say is opinion, then don’t say it. If you feel it is not opinion, then say it. Don’t make your life so complicated. Just be restful and simple.

Question: The brothers shared that the home meeting should be eighty percent of our church life. They said this literally means time. Suppose I already have two meetings. How many more meetings should I have?

Answer: The church life is different from the meeting life. The church life means that our living is involved with one another. To practice the church life together means that my house and living are open to you, and that your house and your daily life are open to me and to others also. Let the Lord lead you as to how many meetings you should have. But try to involve your daily life with other saints. In your daily life, try to help others.

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