Question and Answer Session - Concerning Relationships with Sisters


	Message Six: Question and Answer Session - Concerning Relationships with Sisters Question: What should we do when one sister is constantly rejecting and refusing to get along with another sister? Answer: This is a typical situation in the church life. It is not really a great problem. It is typical for two sisters to fight with one another. This is also true of a husband and wife. A husband and wife will sometimes fight each other. This is not so peculiar. When we see that a husband and wife are fighting, we should not get involved. That would only make matters worse. This is also true with these two sisters. There is no need to make it an issue, and we should avoid getting involved. It is certainly not a healthy situation, but it is a typical one. The church is a large family, with hundreds and even thousands of saints. This means that anything can happen. We should not be too bothered by any situation in the church life. If a large family has eight children, this means that the family has eight very different types of people. Yet these eight children are all from the same parents. We should not be surprised if the first child behaves one way, and the second child behaves another. This is normal. It is the same with the church life. All of us are very different. We should not be surprised by anything. Nor should we say, "How can this person be a saint in the church life and still behave this way?" For us to say this shows that we do not yet see the Body. When we talk about the Body, we are usually concerned with the spiritual side. Yet with every brother and sister there is something that doesn't belong to the Body. For example, these two sisters both have something of Christ, and they are both members of the Body. Praise the Lord for this. But at the same time, they both have some things that are not of the Body. When these things come out in their relationship it can be very difficult. When the things that are not of the Body come out from so many different individuals, surely it will be messy. In the church life we will see many things which may surprise us. We should realize that anything can happen, and we do not need to get too excited when it does happen. The sister who is being rejected has a wonderful opportunity. Praise the Lord, she has a sister to "grind" her. In the church life, we should not only appreciate the saints in their spirit. We should also appreciate the Lord's arrangement of the saints. We even should appreciate what the Lord allows in His government, including the saints in their flesh. Why does the Lord often put us with someone who is so difficult? Because we need it. Here is a sister who is not so "smooth." Instead, she is filled with "knives." Whenever you contact her you will get cut. You should not only appreciate her spirit. You should also learn to appreciate all of her "knives" which cut you so deeply. This doesn't mean that the flesh is good. It means that we have to say, "Lord, thank You for Your government. You didn't give me a sister who fits me or matches me. You gave me a sister full of knives to cut me. Lord, because of Your arrangement, this must be what I need." This is a secret of the church life. When we see two sisters who cannot get along, there is no need to make them a big issue. We should not even try to make peace between them. Our trying to solve their problem will not work. We should just help them grow. Eventually they will grow out of their situation. The more they can grow, the more their frustrations will diminish. A sister who goes through this kind of situation with another sister and learns how to grow out of it will become very easy to be with. It will allow the Lord to do a deep work in her. When we can help these two sisters grow, eventually we will accomplish the genuine peacemaking. Our serving life is to help people be in Christ, not to solve their problems. If there is a sister in the church life who does nothing but reject you and put you down, learn to praise the Lord for her. Even tell the Lord, "Lord, don't make her too much of a sacrifice on my account." If she is only putting you down all the time, that means the Lord is sacrificing her for your sake. Learn to pray for her. If she is constantly rejecting and treating you this way, she will not grow healthy. Therefore you should pray, "Lord, for her sake, I pray that You give her life. Please help her to grow more. Meanwhile, Lord, I take this situation from You." Sometimes the reason saints do not get along is because they are competing with one another. We should try not to compete. There is nothing in the church life called competition. For example, we each have ten fingers. Which finger is more crucial? The fingers are all different, but they are all needed. One cannot compete with another. In the same way, we should not compete with anyone in the church life. Question: How should sisters spend their time and fellowship together? Answer: To desire to be with sisters is different from desiring to be with sisters to gain Christ. Even people who are without Christ like to be together. Their liking to be together is not with Christ in view, but is with an enjoyable time in view. As saints in the church life, we should try to avoid merely having a good time together. Try not only to enjoy a good time, but enjoy a good time in Christ. Fellowship and talk about the Lord. This doesn't mean we should feel condemned if we talk about our families or about our children's education and so forth. This is very normal. But it is healthy to also try to fellowship about Christ. Sisters are very fine. Because they have feelings about everything, they often talk about how they feel. But it is good to realize, "We are not just coming together to talk, we are coming together to gain Christ. Every time we are together, we try to spend time in the Lord's presence." This doesn't need to be formal. If we make it too formal, it will not last very long. The times when we are together should simply be as is needed. It is good to come together on a regular basis to pray and fellowship. If these times are not too formal, they can be consistent over many years. Question: I work full-time, so I do not have enough time to be with the sisters. What should I do? Answer: All the spiritual things are based on desire. For that desire to be realized is a matter of time. Of course, when you are short of desire, then how much time you have does not matter. Once you do have a proper desire, you must know how to struggle for time. Learn to squeeze out time. If you work full-time and desire to be with other sisters, then treasure that desire. It will cause you to consider, "Maybe during my lunch break I can visit a sister close by. Maybe after I get home I can take a few minutes to call a sister and read a verse with her over the phone." Eventually you will find a way to have fellowship with the sisters. Your time is in your hands. If you want something enough, you can make the time for it. Dating is a good illustration. When a young brother and young sister are in love, they always have time for each other. If their time is very limited, they know how to squeeze out ten minutes and go for a walk together. When you consider things in too organized a way, trying to make everything fit a certain format, then you may not have time. But when the desire is there strongly enough, the time is also there. If you strongly desire fellowship with other sisters, you will always have time. You may arrange to car-pool to work with some sisters, or take the bus together, and then have fellowship on the way. When you have the desire, you can always work out the time. Question: In our locality there are many married sisters who are very lonely. As single sisters, how can we be built up with them practically? Answer: Simply go ahead and be built up with them practically. If the Lord leads you and burdens you, just go ahead and do it. If the Lord leads you to be with a sister, whether she is married or not married, go and be with her. If the Lord encourages you to have fellowship with a certain sister, then fellowship with her. Our function is a matter of life. We don't need to consider so much or be so legal. We don't need to make an issue about being built up with sisters who are married or who are not married. We should just be simple and realize, "It is life that leads me." To purchase the book Sisters' Messages