Question and Answer Session - Concerning Our Family Life


	Message Eight: Question and Answer Session - Concerning Our Family Life Question: My husband is always busy with the church life. He works all day, spends time with the brothers, goes to the meetings, and brings the church matters home with him. He has no time for his family, or for a spiritual relationship with me. What should my attitude be in such a situation? Answer: Actually, it is not so bad to have a husband who is like this. Many sisters in the church life are looking for this kind of husband. By the Lord's mercy, you have him. Usually a wife gets quite bothered when her husband is not spiritually manifested. You can be thankful that your husband loves the Lord, is always going to the meetings, and cares so much for the church and for the saints. However, when your husband is so busy with the church life that he has no time for you, should you be restful? This is very hard to answer. The answer is "yes" and "no." First, you must realize that your husband is, in a sense, your "product." He is the way he is at least partially through your influence. On one hand, you should not try to maneuver your husband. On the other hand, you can't help but have an effect on his life. Much of your husband's behavior is closely related to how you are yourself. So if your husband is so busy with the church life that he seems to ignore the family, don't put all the blame on him. Take at least half of the blame yourself. A wife may struggle because her husband doesn't want to pray with her. For the husband and wife to pray together is difficult. Often they don't understand each other. What concerns him and what he wants to pray for she doesn't understand, and vice-versa. As we have said, a man has his pride, and a woman has her ego. For a sister, the most proud person on earth is her husband. This is why sometimes young married sisters need to be cautioned. When a recently married sister says some insulting words to or about her husband, this is a cause for concern. After a sister marries her husband she may find out that he has certain defects, so she is anxious to try and change him. She may not realize that she is using insulting words. She thinks that she is only giving proper advice, but she is actually insulting his dignity. All the young wives need to be warned never to do this. Be careful. Don't say words that insult your husband. In the long run, to insult your husband will hurt your family life. To everyone else, your husband is humble. But to you he is proud. This is the reason that it is easier for a wife to ask her husband to pray then it is for the husband to ask his wife. This is because he is proud. He may not be proud to anyone else, but he is proud to his wife. It also helps to remember that sisters are more emotional, so it is harder for the husband to request something from his wife. If a husband says to his wife, "Let's pray," and she is not in a good mood, she may say, "No!" After a few times the husband is not likely to ask again. But in principle, brothers are not as emotional. They live more by their reasoning. So if a sisters asks her husband to pray with her, he is not as likely to say "no." Sisters, if you haven't prayed enough with your husband, then simply go ask him to pray. See how he responds. It is very unlikely that your husband will say "no." At most he might say, "Not now." That is good enough. If he says this, then later you can ask him, "Are you ready now to pray?" Eventually he will be ready. Sisters, learn to fellowship with your husband. Talk with your husband. Encourage him to do spiritual things with you. As your husband becomes more manifested and exercised in the church life, learn to uphold him spiritually. If you learn to practice this, then even when your husband is occupied with the church life, you can still be restful. Question: To what extent should a sister be exercised in the church life if her husband is not clear about the church? Should she still exercise to her fullest capacity? Answer: To answer this we need to see that there are four aspects to our operation in the church life. Firstly, our operation is a matter of life. Secondly, it is a matter of knowledge and truth. Thirdly, it is a matter of burden. And fourthly, it is a matter of the divine arrangement. To have a healthy operation in the church life we need each of these four aspects. For example, we may desire to help someone, but if we can't sense life in our spirit, our operation is over. Then if we desire to help someone and we know the sense of life, but we have never read the Bible, then we will still have no operation. Without the sense of life and the equipping of truth, we can't help anyone. Furthermore, if we are rich in the experience of life and also rich in truth, then when we operate in the church life we still must have a fresh burden. If we are not freshly burdened our operation will not be effective. When a sister has a husband who is not clear concerning the church, she must realize that her operation does not depend on the condition of her husband. Her operation depends upon her burden. Perhaps her husband does not love the Lord. She should realize that only the Lord can make people love Him. Whatever situation she is in, she should be filled with the desire to exercise and function. Her fresh burden will cause her to be buoyant and joyful. Sisters, when you are freshly burdened you will forget about your situation. You will forget about your husband's condition, and you will even forget about your own condition. The more you are burdened, the more you will capitalize on the life and the knowledge that you have. When you are not freshly burdened, then all of the life and knowledge that you possess is like money in a bank account that just sits there. The money is in the account, but it can't be utilized because the account is frozen. Sisters, whatever you have, even if it seems like only a little, needs to be utilized. Don't let your riches become a frozen account. A fresh burden will cause your riches to become a living investment. You should forget about whether your husband is clear or not so clear. This is not so crucial. What matters is, do you have life, do you have knowledge, and most of all, are you freshly burdened? If you are freshly burdened, then whatever you have of life and truth becomes useful. Sisters, learn to be burdened. Let whatever you have become a rich investment. Learn to utilize and capitalize on whatever the Lord has given to you. This will make your serving life so useful. When you realize that your "capital" is frozen, then you need invest yourself again and again. Before you even begin to get profits from your first investment, invest yourself into something else as well. To constantly invest yourself shows that you are burdened. You don't need to consider, "How about my husband?" Leave that to the Lord. Instead, consider, "Am I freshly burdened?" This is what will build up the church. There is also a fourth aspect to our operation, which is the divine arrangement. Suppose you have the life and truth to a certain degree, and you are freshly burdened. Then you must also see that there is a divine arrangement. This means that you don't need to "hunt" for your function. You don't need to think, "No one is giving me the opportunity to function, so I will have to maneuver something." You should learn to trust in the Lord. The Lord has His arrangement. Once you touch the divine arrangement, then it seems that the whole earth is under you. When you are according to the Lord's arrangement you will always find a place for your operation. With this arrangement, there may be some limitation which comes from the Lord Himself. You do not need to fight against the Lord's divine arrangement. Perhaps your husband's situation bothers your conscience, so that you feel you had better not do too much. But what can prevent you from preaching the gospel? What can stop you from praying with a weaker sister so that she is brought into the Lord's presence? What can hinder you from displaying Christ at your job or in your family? All of these are included in your operation. Therefore once we have life, truth, and a fresh burden, we should also learn to trust the divine arrangement. Question: As a sister, how can I enable my husband to fully give himself to the church life when this means that he will be gone most of the time? Answer: For the question to be worded this way makes it sound like you do not want your husband to be fully given to the church life, because you think he will be gone most of the time. It should be very normal and healthy to be with your husband and help him give himself to the Lord's recovery. What will be the result? You don't know. You can't say, "If my husband loves the Lord, that means he will be gone most of the time." It is not accurate or fair to come to this conclusion, so it should not be an issue. Consider the worldly people. How many unregenerated husbands stay at home with their wives? Many worldly families have husbands who are also gone most of the time. How can you know that if your husband loves the Lord and gives himself to the church life, he will be gone most of the time? You don't know this. Maybe your husband will go out a lot, but he will bring you with him. Isn't it possible for the husband and wife to go out and serve together? There is no need to have these considerations. We should just be simple. This bring us to a difficult lesson. How can you help your husband to love the Lord, yet not maneuver him into loving the Lord? If you love the Lord but your husband does not, you should not try to force him. Instead, your husband will be helped the most by two things: your firmness in loving the Lord, and your godly rest. In the principle of a testimony, you must be firm. To be firm is to be absolute in your love for the Lord, for the church, for the Lord's recovery, and for what the Lord is doing. Then at the same time you should have a godly rest. You shouldn't say to your husband, "If you are against me, you are against God!" This shows you are not restful. It will only make your husband angry. If you are firm in your stand, yet always anxious, your husband will not be helped. And if you are restful, but not so firm, he will also not be helped. Be firm in your stand for the Lord, and at the same time show your husband that you love him. Perhaps on a meeting night, you can cook him a good meal. Then after dinner you can ask him, "Would you like to go to the meeting with me?" If he says no, you should be restful. After you come home from the meeting, you don't need to say, "The meeting was so good! You shouldn't have missed it!" You do not need to be anxious or nervous. Just be restful. Come home in a very nice way. Maybe you can wash the dishes or do something nice for your husband. Eventually he will realize that you are firm in your stand, yet you are so restful. You are not forcing him to do anything. He will realize that there is something genuine about you that must be from God. Then you are not forcing or manipulating your husband, but you are living in the principle of a testimony. This will make it easier for him to be gained by the Lord. Question: What is the best way to raise up our children? Answer: We have to realize that in principle not one of us raises up our children. Not one of us can. We can do our best, but only the Lord can actually raise them up. This is based on the fact of the Lord's predestination. The Lord's predestination is not according to our selection. His predestination is only according to Himself. It is according to His choosing, His selection, and His good pleasure. We have to realize that eventually not one person raises up their children. If we don't damage our children, then we have done good enough. We cannot do better. We can't say, "If I raise up my children in a particular way, then they will love the Lord." If we could do this, then there is no need for the Lord's grace. We must give the Lord a chance to exercise His grace and mercy. This doesn't mean that we don't care for our children. We must care for them. However, we must also realize that we should trust them to the Lord. Within us, we should pray for our children and look unto the Lord's mercy so that they all can be gained by the Lord when they grow up. But we need to learn to trust in the Lord more than we trust in our own labor. We must realize that it is the Lord who raises them up. We should do our best to raise them up to be healthy, but we should not take our children into our own hands. We must learn to entrust them into the Lord's hands. We must keep reminding ourselves that it is the Lord who raises them up. Parents should pay attention to being in the Lord's presence while entrusting their children into the Lord's hands. They should also not be overly encouraged or discouraged by their children. When they are young, children will try their best to please their parents. They may even do a lot of spiritual things for the sake of their parents. The parents should not be too excited, because only the Lord knows whether it is real or not. The children may make the parents happy, but after a few years they will try to find out who they really are. When they are behaving "spiritually," we should not be too happy. When they are not acting "spiritually," we should not be too bothered. We can only pray to the Lord, "Lord, I entrust them into Your hands. I know You are their Lord. Now they are experiencing spiritual things in their childhood. I pray that You would remind them of these little experiences as they grow older." If a child seems to go into the world, the parents should not be condemned. Sometimes our children may need to experience something which will be good for them in the long run. It is the Lord who will raise them up. This doesn't mean that we should encourage them to be in the world. We shouldn't tell them, "Go watch a few movies." At the same time, we can't be overly protective. Our children can't just grow up as if in a monastery and be separated from society. It is not a matter of telling them to go into the world, or to avoid the world altogether. As parent, we just don't know what they need and how they will turn out in the long run. Only the Lord knows this. Parents need to learn this lesson. "Lord, I just don't know. Only You know." Sisters, be encouraged that your children are the Lord's children. You must know that the Lord loved them from eternity. In fact, from the standpoint of eternity, He loved them more than we did. We would say, "How can someone love the children more than their parents?" But the Lord said in eternity, "I will die for them." The greatest love is that of the Lord. Concerning our children, we should try to do our best. Yet we should also speak to the Lord all the time, "Thank You, Lord Jesus. My children are Yours. They're not mine. You love my son more than I do. Lord, still I pray, make my son useless in the world. Make him only useful in Your recovery. Make him good for nothing but Your testimony." We can pray for children this way again and again. Eventually we will realize that we can't raise our children. Only the Lord can raise our children. We must learn this one lesson. The Lord is the one who cares for our children. If we overly protect our children, the day will come when we have no more chance to protect them. They may then have a hard time, because they only know the church life. They don't know how to confront all kinds of people and situations in the real world. Brothers and sisters, eventually we have to learn to trust our young generation to the Lord. We have no choice. We have to learn to pray, "Lord, I entrust my children to You. Please take care of them." To purchase the book Sisters' Messages