Message Five:
Questions and Answers

Question: Much of the sharing in these messages has been about the function of married sisters in the church life. What is the function of the single sisters?

Answer: If a sister is not yet married then she must realize that Christ is her husband. In other words, a single sister shouldn't have the perspective "I am single." Rather she should have the perspective "I am married to Christ." There is a big difference. A single sister usually has the thought that she is only a single sister. She should try not to see it this way. Instead she should realize, "I have been betrothed to Christ. He is my real Husband." This is what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 11:2: "For I am jealous over you with a jealousy of God; for I betrothed you to one husband to present you as a virgin to Christ." A single sister should realize that she is married to Christ. Christ is her Husband and her Head.

Then the question is, who will be the shadow of Christ to that sister? Every husband is just a shadow of Christ. If the Lord has prepared a "shadow" for a sister, then that person will come in due time. Before the shadow comes, there is only Christ. Many times the biggest frustration to a single sister is cultural pressure. This cultural pressure makes the sister feel that she has to be a certain way. It tells her, "You're in your late 20's, and you're still not married," or, "You're in your 30's, and you're still not married. Something is wrong." When a sister doesn't have the realization that the Lord is her Husband, then many things from the culture of this age will rise up to frustrate her going on with the Lord. A sister does not need to worry so much. The shadow will come if the Lord desires it. When the Lord comes back, all the husbands and wives will be gone. When the reality comes, all the shadows will disappear. We will all become the bride of Christ. So today while we are waiting for the Lord's return, we should realize that the Lord is our Husband. He is the reality.

A single sister should have the understanding, "Lord, You are my Husband, so I am responsible to You. You are my Head, so I submit myself to You." Then a lot of unnecessary frustrations will be taken away. The best advice is not to analyze too much. If you are a single sister, then just realize that Christ is your Husband and be restful. This will relieve you from many frustrations and allow you to have a positive exercise in the church life.

However, sisters, once you are married, then your husband is really your husband. In other words, once you are married you should not be so spiritual and say, "Only the Lord is my husband." Even though your husband is only a shadow of Christ, you must still learn to take him as your head and as your husband.

Question: Sometimes I feel like I limit the Lord by how I handle our budget. I keep a budget in order to help my husband, but I always feel like I am boxing him in so that he can't even follow the Lord. What is the proper way to handle our finances?

Answer: It is very good to have a budget, especially for all the young couples. We all need a budget. But it is a good practice to firstly budget a portion to the Lord. To budget is not wrong, but the problem is that we budget our needs first. Then we find out we have nothing left to offer to the Lord. This is where the frustration comes in. We should practice every month to have a certain amount that goes to the Lord. This should be something definite. In other words, we designate a certain amount or a certain percentage from our income to go to the Lord, and then we offer this amount in a definite way. If we have less income than usual, that same amount should still go to the Lord. Whether we have more or less, a certain amount is always offered. This is a healthy practice.

Then after we offer to the Lord, having a budget for our expenses is very healthy. All the young couples who have not been married too long should practice to have a budget every month, under the condition that they offer to the Lord first. Some saints don't offer regularly because they think, "If we budget something to offer to the Lord, then we won't have enough left over." But the Biblical principle is that if you give, it will be given to you. In what way will it be given to you? We don't know. We never know in what way the Lord will give to us if we give to Him, but the principle is there. When we learn to give, then it will be given to us. Only the Lord is the One who knows how it will be given to us. On our part, we just learn to give. Some may give a large percentage of their income. Others may give a very small percentage. Either can be fine. It is our desire before the Lord that counts, and not how much we offer. Some saints may only be able to offer two dollars a week. That is precious. As far as the Lord is concerned, what is the difference between two dollars and two thousand? In the sight of the Lord, what matters is you. What matters is the person, and not the amount of the offering.

We should learn to trust the Lord. We can tell the Lord, "I have a desire to give something to You. How much should I offer? What should I give to You?" This is actually a way of telling the Lord, "I love You." It is good to pray to the Lord and allow Him to lead us in this way. Then even if we only offer one percent of our income, it will be precious to Him.

Once we are clear before the Lord about how much should be offered to Him, we should budget what is remaining. A proper budget can help us in the management of our finances. If a sister knows, "I only have this much to buy food," then she won't spend her money on products that are too expensive. If a brother knows that he only has a certain amount of money to spend on a particular item, he will realize, "I have to save over the next few months, or I won't be able to afford this." To practice in this way will cause us to learn whether we are mishandling our finances. It is good for us to know, "I only have this amount to spend."

Eventually we may realize that many items in our house we don't really need. Saints who have a very good income don't necessarily have a lot of items in their homes, but the items they do have are usually of top quality. But some saints, especially younger couples, have their homes filled with things that are cheap or unnecessary. When we budget our money we will find out what robs it away. We may think that we are only spending one or two dollars here and there, and to us it is nothing. But eventually thirty or forty dollars is gone and we are not sure where it went. A budget controls this kind of spending. Then when we don't have enough money to spend on certain items, we will realize it. This is why it is very good, especially for young couples, to budget their finances.

We may also have the experience of sensing there is a certain need with some brother or sister. It is always good to watch and see if saints have special needs. This doesn't mean we should write a check every time we see a need. The Lord must still be involved with the process. But when there is a kind of sensation from the Lord about meeting a certain need, it is healthy to offer for it. If we give, it will also be given to us. The Lord is faithful to provide. When we are aware of a need and sense a leading from the Lord to meet that need, then we should offer accordingly.

Question: Concerning our finances, is there anything in the Scripture that makes it clear we are supposed to give a certain amount "off the top," regardless of our burden? Or can we just be before the Lord about it? Can we decide one week to offer for a particular brother's need because the Lord told us to, and another week decide to use our money for having someone over for dinner every night?

Answer: The matter of offering is mentioned in the New Testament in 2 Corinthians chapters 8 and 9. "But take note of this: He who sows sparingly shall also sparingly reap; and he who sows with blessings shall also with blessings reap. Each one as he has purposed in his heart, not out of sorrow or out of necessity, for God loves a cheerful giver" (2 Cor. 9:6-7). The main realization we get from these verses is that we should not take the matter of offering in an inspirational way. We should treat it quite seriously and soberly. The Bible also touches on this matter in 1 Corinthians 16:1-3. "On the first day of the week each one of you should lay aside in store to himself whatever he may have been prospered, that no collections be made when I come" (1 Cor. 16:2). The principle here is that we lay aside a certain amount on the first day of every week. According to our income we should set aside a portion and offer it on the Lord's day. These verses make it clear that we should learn to offer a specific amount to the church.

Concerning whether we should offer to the church or use our offering to meet other needs, we must be balanced. We do have the liberty to offer according to the needs that we observe. Suppose a brother offers two hundred dollars every month. Every month he is faithful to give this amount to the church. Then he realizes a certain saint has a need. He then has the freedom to designate his monthly offering to meet that saint's need. It is still an offering to the Lord. However, we should not overly exercise in this way. If we are only looking to meet the needs that we observe, we may lose our trust to the church. Many times when we see a need, the church also sees that need. It is good for us to care for a need, but we should also learn to trust the church to take care of that same need.

For example, there are cases in which a church has many saints who offer faithfully. Yet when the elders come together to handle the finances they find out that everything has been designated already. The saints were generous in their giving, and their offering was substantial. But most of their offerings were already designated to meet certain needs. Some envelopes were designated to take care of a certain meeting hall, or to help with the young people's work, or to meet the need of a certain brother. This is an unhealthy situation. This means that the elders have almost nothing left over to meet the needs that they observe. This includes the practical needs of the church, such as the electric, water, and utility bills. Such a situation happens when saints don't learn to trust the church. Often we don't trust that the church has the ability to care for all the needs we observe. Instead, we trust ourselves. We think that we see a need and the church doesn't see it. Sometimes this may be true. It is healthy once in a while to care for a certain brother because the Lord gives us such a sensation. But this should not be our habit. We shouldn't just look around every week and wonder who needs our help and our money. Instead, we should offer in a proper way. This means that we must learn to trust the church.

Question: Is it appropriate for a sister to preach the gospel to a male, or a brother to preach the gospel to a female? I have heard someone suggest it, and it made me uncomfortable.

Answer: This is a very practical question. There are two ways to preach the gospel. One is in general, and the other is in particular. In general, it is healthy to have a gospel exercise. This means that when we are walking on the street or shopping in a store, we speak to whomever we see. If we see a young man, we preach the gospel. If we see a young woman, we also preach the gospel. This can be a healthy exercise. When we have a chance to preach to a man, we do so. When we have a chance to preach to a woman, we do so. When we are on the street or in a public place, we don't have to be so confined.

In particular, however, it should not be our practice to preach the gospel to someone of the opposite sex. Concerning this matter we need to be very careful, especially young brothers and young sisters. If we are always burdened for those of the opposite sex, that is not healthy. Even when we ourselves are pure, the other party may not be so pure. For example, if a sister invites a young man to a gospel meeting or a love-feast, he may not have any idea what he is being invited to. He is just a worldly person, so he doesn't relate it to the pure gospel. If he comes, his motive may not be so healthy, and this can even frustrate his salvation. The same is true when a brother invites a young woman. Because she is a worldly person her understanding will be different.

Suppose there is a young brother who has a real burden from the Lord for one of his female schoolmates. There is nothing impure involved; it is just a genuine burden. The best way for him to carry out that burden is to have another brother with him for his protection. Then this girl will know that the brother's motive is purely for the gospel. She will even have a better chance for being saved.

We must be careful in our contact with the opposite sex, especially those of us who are single. We are all human beings. No matter how spiritual we are, we are still fallen. We need to learn to keep a certain kind of distance between male and female. We must be careful about this matter even when preaching the gospel.

Question: I realize we should respect the brothers simply because they are brothers. But my husband and I have a few young brothers living in our house and they don't clean up after themselves. I've been tempted to get really angry at them. How should I handle this properly?

Answer: The best way to handle this kind of situation is through your husband. But it definitely needs to be handled. To respect people is not the same as to overly tolerate people. If a brother stays with you for a few days as a guest, that is one thing. It may not be so good to say anything to him because he is simply there for hospitality. However, once a brother is actually living in your house it is sometimes necessary to be rigid. It is your house. If a brother wants to live there but refuses to cooperate with you, he should find another place to live. If you ask your husband to take care of it, and the brother who lives with you won't listen to your husband, he should be told to move out tomorrow. It doesn't matter whether he is in the church or not. It is your house, and things must be done a certain way. Otherwise the brother will stay there and not get any help, and meanwhile you will be frustrated. If a loose and sloppy brother insists on staying loose and sloppy, he will have no growth in life. If he will not learn to take care of himself properly then his stay there has no value. A brother who lives at your home should experience a positive benefit. He should learn something of life.

When brothers who live in a couple's home do not clean up after themselves, the sister should just tell her husband what she observes. She should let him know what is going on, because she probably sees more than her husband does about the situation. She should tell him, "Here are the matters that need to be taken care of with these brothers." The wife has the right, in a good spirit, to tell her husband, "My tolerance can only go so far. My ability to cope with this can only go so high." Then the husband can properly take care of the situation by addressing it with the brothers. If the wife tries to handle the situation directly she will often become frustrated, which is why it is better for the husband to take care of it.

Sisters, when saints live with you, or if you take care of a brothers' house or a sisters' house, there has to be some regulation. If you have opened up your home for someone to live with you, at times you will need to be quite rigid in your exercise. If they are not willing to abide by your regulations they should simply move to another house or get their own apartment. If they don't want the regulations, then that is up to them. They should leave. We have to bear our responsibility. We are not here for social things. We are here for something quite serious. We can't afford a situation where we are frustrated, the ones who live with us are frustrated, and no one gets the real help or the proper growth in life.

In caring for a person and raising them up, tolerating them usually doesn't help. However, to stand with them in their weakness is healthy. If a young brother is living in a couple's home and is unmanageable, to tolerate him will not help. If the brother and sister go along with him and are nice to him despite the way he behaves, then this is toleration. This will not work. However, if a brother grew up in a certain way and never learned to clean up after himself, then that may just be his weakness. Suppose a brother never makes his bed, and forgets to put his clothes away. Then we shouldn't expect him to change overnight. In such a case we may make his bed for him. Then we will let him know, "Please put your clothes away and make your bed before you leave in the morning." He may try to do this for three days, but then he will forget all about it. This is his weakness. It is good to stand with him in his weakness. We can address it with him in a proper and caring way. Eventually he will learn. But to merely tolerate it will not help him and may cause us to become frustrated. We should stand with a brother in his weakness, but we should also know when there is a need for discipline.

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